"You're nothing but skin and bones."
I wasn't always skinny.
In addition to being born with the umbilical chord wrapped around my neck, my head a deep purple, I transitioned into the world with a fair share of baby fat. My Mom called me “Buddha Boy” because of my generous pudge. The nickname stuck, and the fat did not. In fact, I don’t know where it went?
If you find it, let me know, Mom. She still calls me Buddha.
I was skinny…
but at least I was tall.
Being relentlessly picked on as a kid for being skinny, other people was always assumed that I found the humor in it. What people called my scrawny, and skinny didn’t realize is, is that I took no more pleasure in viewing myself as “skinny” than I did calling someone else who was overweight, “fat.”
I saw an Instagram post about growing up skinny from a woman. The fact that she’s a woman is important.
I asked the question, how is it that a woman and a man could both feel like they have the wrong body for being skinny? Because I thought being skinny for woman is “in” now a-days, like it was for men in the 1960s.
Even though I have yoga body, in most ways, I’m your typical masculine energy.
Now, having a feminine yoga body coupled with my affinity for athleisure clothing, makes me appear outwardly like a feminine guy. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
David Deida, who writes about sexuality and spiritual relationship between men and women, defines masculinity using an example. You know you’re a masculine guy, when by nature, a woman entering a room, no matter how much you love her, in some small way, makes your cringe, in the sense that her feminine energy, disturbs your peace. It may be negligible but the effect is there.
I’m this way.
However, there’s nothing more attractive to me than a women who opens up and allows me into her world, who I can really connect with and who truly receives my masculine energy.
At a Tony Robbins event in December 2016, I was allowed for the first time, to express my masculinity in ALL it’s glory, alongside thousands of other men. We were in a tightly packed convention hall at a fancy hotel in Boca Raton. Let's go back there for a moment:
The room is freezing. AC is being pumped into the room at exorbitant levels (Tony believes in keeping things cold). This forces us to create our own heat thought the energetic self-betterment activities we were doing (really, performing) that day. We’re watching a clip of Braveheart, eye’s glued to the big projector in the center of the room. The scene is the one where William Wallace comes galloping before a line of his countrymen who bear arms against the English. He announces he is William Wallace to the disbelief of his men who had imagined him as a near mythological creature who consumes men by the hundreds with lightning bolts and fireballs. One of the young soldiers even shouts in disbelief, “William Wallace is 7 feet tall!”
“I AM William Wallace. And I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?”
“Fight? Against that? No, we will run; and we will live."
"Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live -- at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!
A a protective, single-minded, mission driven person, with a personality tending toward extreme, who has trouble with intimacy and thrives with nurturing feminine energy to open me up to the infinite, in most ways, I’m your typical masculine energy. The men in the room were about to be given the space to feel the camaraderie of other men simultaneously with the attention and support of all the women
Seconds after the clip ends, Tony chimes in and gives us his version of William Wallace's speech, rousing in us similar feelings the soldiers felt. Before we know it, we’re prompted on the count of three, to yell “freedom," call and response style, as loud as we could, "don’t think, just go, FREEDOM!
FREEEEDDDDOOOMMMM, the sound of thousand men in all their glory, projecting their voice from a deep place within, fills the room and instantly I’m found in humanity of complete strangers.
Even though I have yoga body, in most ways, i’m your typical masculine energy.
The man screaming freedom in this cold room, dropped the jaws of all the woman around him, who felt his presence strongly.
So body type, it's practically irrelevant to your core nature. If you're struggling with body shaming, whether self-inflicted or in the form of bullying, know that there's a lot of people out there, with a variety of body types, including myself, that have experienced it. The fact that there is shaming about almost any body type should show you there is no rationale behind it, body shaming is simply a form of discrimination that is still socially acceptable to some degree.
He's too skinny.
She's too fat.
She's too tall for me.
I don't like short guys.
You hear these things uttered all the time. They are baseless, yet they effect us, because despite the addage, "sticks and stones break will my bones but words will never hurt me," if said with enough conviction, you FEEL the sentiment of judgment, hate, and criticism behind people's words.
If you are an empath, a feeler, or a deep thinker you will take that seriously, because it's your nature to respond to feedback, try to genuinely evaluate people's claims, especially if you grew up in a school system dominated by scientific, evidence based approach to viewing the world.
You desire to take people's words seriously, because you FEEL the sentiment behind them.
When people are not compassionate with their words, and haven't done the energetic work within themselves to be able to even become aware of, let alone control the charge of their words, they simply don't understand how they are affecting others.
You are in control of your response. You are not in control of their journey, and their inability to express love and compassion in their words and actions.
You decide what lands. You decide what changes your behavior. You get to decide what input you let determine your view of yourself.
Hope that helps.